Time. Time effects so many aspects of life and generates such a variant in outcomes. Some positive, some negative and some that cannot be identified until life calls for reflection. For me, this is one of those points in life where I am feeling myself beginning to reflect on my being from viewpoints that once upon a time were of little importance or relevance. Am I beginning to mature? Or is this just another emotional, hormonal, overreaction to life, that as a 20 something female I am almost destined to experience? Either way, this current state of birth control hysteria has brings two areas for reflection:
1. I am not and do not want to be a fashion blogger.
There is nothing wrong with being a fashion blogger and I follow a series of bloggers myself. However, despite my evident interest in the fashion industry and its produce, emphasised by me picking it as my chosen field of study, I refuse to be enclosed in the bubble of 'cliche' fashion students. These (in my opinion) consist of students who have chosen to follow the now over saturated trend of becoming a blogger, showcasing OOTDs and hauls from their favourite stores and brands. Again, as I said, i'm not judging or against bloggers, I just feel it has become an almost expected attribute of a fashion enthusiast and is now used as a method of judging their commitment to the field. Well, time has allowed me to realise that actually, my love of fashion stems from its characteristics to change, develop and revolutionise the way in which society clothes itself. Thus, why follow a trend to air my daily dressing choices across the internet, when really, I don't care if people across the world can see my new trainers or not. To be honest, I'm sure these people don't care anyway! Hence, I've now decided to go back to my original ideals for starting this blog. Not to gain followers, chase internet fame or claim to be a goddess in the world of dressing, but, just as an outlet for my thoughts. An online diary if you like.
I am a fashion student. Blogging has revolutionised the world of fashion, but that's old news and conformity has never gotten anyone anywhere except for in the back of a queue. This is my new outlet for ramblings, valuable thoughts and ideas and anything that is of value to myself.
2. Am i growing apart from my family? Or more in love?
Yes, I realise that these points couldn't be any further apart from each other, but as I mentioned, this is my personal outlet for the ceaseless array of thoughts that pop into my young and confused brain.
Scrolling through my FB news feed, I stumbled across a post from my Sister calling for her friends to listen in on a live interview with her and my Father on BBC Radio Wales, talking about the family restaurant.
So I understand that I am currently living away from home at University, but why wasn't I informed?! Mild feelings of offense begin to seep into my blood stream as I note the status was posted 2 hours ago and I had still not been informed. But instead of entering into a state of unnecessary overreaction, I decide to simply pick up the phone to ask her. Only to be told she cannot speak at that current moment, and will call me straight back. 1 hour 30 minutes later, I'm still waiting.
I understand that I don't have a direct in put on the family restaurant, as i'm far too far away for that to be feasible. But, am I stupid to believe that my parents and sisters (who work there on a daily business) would like their one absent daughter and sibling to listen in? I'm a student, they must know that I have nothing better to do! Especially on a Sunday! Obviously, not. But this caused me to think, am I growing apart from my family? My Mother, who once used to call me at least once to twice weekly, I know speak to approximately once every 2 weeks as a result of her failing to both answer and return my calls. A Whatsapp group set up between my sister was what I originally thought to be the answer to our lack of frequent communication. Wrong. I send questions, nostalgic moments of humour, anything to try an spark up convo, and face a swift or passing reply. My Dad, to whom I have always lacked a good line of communication, seems to be the one with whom I am most shocked failed to inform me of their radio appearance. Despite our failing attempt of keeping in touch, he has always been one to ensure I am kept in the loop of family related events and occurrences.
This caused me to the pose the question: As I embark on my fourth year away from home, am I growing further away from my family? Are they indulging in day to day routines that as a result cause them to subconsciously forget that I too still want to be informed and included in their little bubbles of life?
It then caused me to form another hypothesis: Has anything really changed in the way my family and I communicate? Or, is it just that as I spend more and more time away from home that I begin to miss my family that bit more, resulting in a self-imposed sense of exclusion? The more time I spend away from them, the more I realise just how much i really do love and miss them. A concept that comes hard to me, as I have always been an independent character, moving and travelling away from and without family, I have desires to one day move abroad to start my life. I begin to show concern over my ability to start a new life alone, without growing too homesick and reluctant to leave my nearest and dearest.
Who knows? I sure don't. But, give life some time and it sure has its ways of sorting things out, making things better and clearing the mist.
Ramble #1 over.